Little girls, little girls, everywhere I look I see little girls...."

What’s wet, squirmy and fury all over? If you can’t get this one, you need to review elementary school humor. The answer is a puppy who doesn’t really want a bath. The back ground of this joke starts with two Saturdays ago. I had agreed to do a scary movie night with Andrew and some friends. I really hate scary movies. I just get so freaked out by them afterwards. My imagination just takes it and runs with it. But somehow Andrew likes them. He’s been bummed because ever since we started dating that he hasn’t seen a scary movie. I consented to watch The Grudge with him and ended up staring at the pop corn the entire time. I still got bits of the show, at least enough to scare me. That night I couldn’t sleep. At about 2:30 in the morning I woke from a nightmare that the grudge girl was coming after me and that noise she makes was getting louder and louder. As soon as I woke up I realized that the noise I had heard in my dream was Andrew snoring with his congested nose. As punishment I made him walk me to the bathroom. There was no hope for sleep after that. The rest of the evening was spent watching The Importance of Being Ernest and Skyping with my mom about Cambodia. I finally got back to sleep around five or six. Andrew didn’t have to go back to school till Tuesday due to Martian Luther king day, so I was fine till then. But after I dropped Andrew off at school I didn’t want to go home. I went and worked out till eleven then had nothing else to do. I didn’t want to go home and be alone because I would easily get spooked and have an awful rest of the day. So as I was driving home I turned toward the nature park and went to the animal shelter. I had gone there once the week before and played with the puppies. They had about fifteen with more on the way. They were so cute and playful! But they smelled like poop. When I got there on Tuesday I asked if I could take a dog for a walk. I took this really smart lab named Jr. and when I got back I still didn’t want to go home. So I asked if it would be ok if I gave the puppies a bath. They told me that I’d be their best friend if I’d wash up the puppies. Wow! Lots of work! Some dogs didn’t care about getting a bath and just stood there while I washed them. Others went crazy! They jumped and wiggled so much that I got wetter than they did! It took forever! The younger ones were covered in poop and pee because they don’t know how to handle their bladder yet. When I started to rinse them off, the water that flowed off of them was yellow. Yuck! One of the younger ones got so frightened by the sound of the bath tub she peed on me. By the time I finished all the puppies were fluffy and clean (unlike me) and I felt good. I was glad that I could make a difference even though it was small and would have to be re done a few days later. It took all afternoon and I was a half an hour late in picking up Andrew. When I got to him I ran up to give him a hug, but he said that I stunk and to wait till I changed to hug him. Lol no, puppy pee will never make it as a perfume.
I went back again the next day so I could clip the puppies over grown toe nails but this time I took back up! I convinced a friend of mine to come along with me and I was so glad that I did! Some of those puppies did not like us messing with their feet. It took one person to hold the pup while the other person tried to clip the nail without hurting it. Again it took all day but my friend and I had so much fun! With ever puppy my friend held, she asked it if she took it home would it hold still and pretend to be a stuffed animal when her manager came around for clean checks. Lol! A growing stuffed animal, it’s a better idea than chia pets! We were almost finished when I got a text from Andrew saying that he needed to stay late and finish some homework. He said he’d be finished around five. It was almost three so I still had time to burn. Allison (my friend that I brought) and I asked if we could borrow two puppies and snuggle with them as we watched a movie. I think if anyone one else asked, they would have said no. But since I’d been spending so much time there they knew me and said that it would be fine. We were so excited! We wrapped the two puppies in towels, put together a crate for them and dashed off to Allison’s apartment. When we walked in one of her roommates came out to see who had come home. She saw the puppies and gasped in shock or excitement and dropped everything she was holding. The three of us proceeded to play with the puppies and tried and keep them from destroying the living room of the apartment. “Dipstick” had a taste for TV cords, shoes, car keys, socks, feet…. Really anything that was on the floor that would semi fit in his mouth.”Bear” on the other hand really just wanted to chew on Dipstick. So together they rolled around on the chewing and crashing into everything. Suddenly, Dipstick lunged at the TV cords, opened mouthed and ready to eat the cords like spaghetti. Thinking fast Allison grabbed another toy to get Dipstick interested in and dove to protect the TV cords. It was a great idea in theory, but as she dove she slid into the cords unplugging a lot of them. The TV went blank and Dipstick was off eating something else. BA! It took Allison about ten minutes to get everything in where it was meant to go. Finally we got to the movie and the puppies fell fast asleep. Half way through they woke up. Puppies are like most humans when they wake up. They either want food or to pee right away. I should have thought this through a bit better and brought leashes so that we could take them outside to use the restroom. Still not thinking we set them down because they were getting too wiggly to snuggle with. Two seconds later they both squatted and went pee. AH! It was chaos! I ran to get a towel, Allison ran to pick them up to go outside, and the other roommate ran to get carpet cleaner. All they had was Windex, so we drenched the carpet with glass cleaner. The movie was all but finished so we thought it best to take them back to the shelter before they decided to go number two on the carpet. Ha ha what a day! Next time we borrow puppies I will be sure to be better prepared.
Sunbeams this week went very well. They are getting better at sitting through singing time and as long as they have animal crackers they will sit through a short lesson. One of the younger girls needed to go to the bathroom. On our way I started to panic. I can handle it with puppies, but kids are a whole different story. I would vomit for sure. There was no other woman around that I could pawn the kid off on. The week before that one of the girls sneezed all the buggers out of her nose onto her face and I was seconds away from losing my lunch when the bishop’s wife swooped in and saved me. She took the girl to the bathroom and washed her up returning her sparkly and clean. I think she earned her spot in heaven that day. This week though, there was no one to save me. I walked into the bathroom with the girl, stopped by a stall and told the girl to “go for it.” She just looked at me. “Suck. I’m really going to have to do this.” I thought disgustedly. I went in to the stall praying that she would just have to pee. She sat there for a second with this look of deepest concentration on her face then she let out the worst gas I have ever smelled. I had no idea something that vile smelling could come out of a little human girl. I nearly dropped her in the toilet as I tried to cover my nose. To my great relief all she had to do was stinker and she was done. I handed her some toilet paper. She wiped then tried to hand it back to me! Good grief! Had this girl ever gone to the toilet alone?! I told her to put it back in the toilet. There was no way in heck that I was going to touch that! It was at this point that I realized that Miss. Hannigan off Annie wasn’t crazy or evil; she was just trying to cope.
We were teaching the girls (we have three 3yr olds, and two 4yr old girls, no boys) about Heavenly Fathers plan for us. It was a super deep subject for kids that young but somehow we got through it. Then as they were coloring pictures that had to do with the lesson one of the girls randomly blurts out, “I heard an owl in my parent’s room last night.” She kept talking about this owl and I was sitting there trying not to bust up laughing. At first Andrew didn’t get it, then he saw my face and put together what else could sound like and owl in her parents room at night. HA HA HA!!!!! Oh that right there made the rest of my day!